Keep Your Playdates

By Andy Stanton-Henry

As Quaker leaders, we do serious and important work. We are charged with leading institutions, shepherding souls, laboring for social change, sharing divinely-inspired messages, providing care for the suffering, and more.

With such serious and sacred work to do, we might think that we should always be serious and solemn. “No more laughing, no more fun. Quaker meeting has begun,” we tease.

But there’s a paradox to our ministry. Sometimes the more serious the work, the more we need times of light-hearted play. (If you think our times are too troubling and our work too serious for humor and play, I would encourage to check out The Book of Joy featuring Archbishop Desmond Tutu & the Dalai Lama).

While Quakers are not known for their sense of humor, I know many funny Friends – Friends who are serious about God and their work but don’t take themselves too seriously. They have encountered the Light and it told them to “Light-en up” (get it?).

Quaker scholars like Elton Trueblood, Tom Mullen, and Howard Macy have brought out the humor of Christ and the spirituality of humor.

Humor shares a root word with “humility, human, and humus” – relating to the ground or the Earth. It keeps us humble and reminds us that we are human. We are “ministers, not messiahs,” to quote a poem written in memory of Oscar Romero. We do need reminded of our humanity from time to time. And occasionally, when others begin to think we are a little weightier of “weighty Friends” than we really are, we have to tell them what the Apostle Paul told an adoring crowd: “Friends, why are you doing this? We too are only human, like you” (Acts 14:15).

Here’s the thing. Humor and play are not only important for individuals, they are also critical for congregations. Consultant Peter Steinke said that he is called to many churches who are about to die of “terminal seriousness.” Family systems theorist Edwin Friedman said that systems from marriage to ministry can become so locked in conflict or anxiety that they get stuck in “imaginative gridlock.” When this happens, they can’t work or think their way out. This will only dig them deeper, like a truck spinning its tires in the mud. The only way out of this gridlock is through playfulness and a “spirit of adventure.”

All this is to say something we should have learned when we were kids: keep your playdates! (And if you don’t have any, set some up!)

What do I mean by “playdates?” Here are some examples:

• Spending time with your kids or nieces & nephews
• Playing pickle ball at the gym
• Going swimming
• Playing board games with friends
• Dressing up for Halloween
• Bonfire time with your buddies
• Playing cards with your grandparents
• Drawing, painting, collaging
• Reading a novel
• Watching a funny movie

And don’t forget to play as a meeting/church. At my meeting, I’ve tried to introduce levity into our worship time to keep us playful as well as prayerful. On Father’s Day, we did a “dad joke battle.” Several times we’ve done trivia with tasty prizes. The children’s message often involves some time of play acting. And, in a less hilarious practice, we have had times where Friends write on sticky notes around the room in response to a query.

What about you and yours? What playdates do you need to prioritize?

Maybe when you’re most tempted to cancel them is when you most need them.