The Obstacle is the Way

The Obstacle is the Way: A Friendly Reminder reflection from Quaker Leadership Center

By Andy Stanton-Henry

I’m a Christ-centered Quaker who welcomes Truth wherever it happens to show up. One surprising source of Truth I’ve discovered in the last couple years has been the Stoic tradition of Hellenistic philosophy. This has been mostly through the writings of Ryan Holiday.

While I don’t align with Stoic philosophy as a whole, there are some insights and invitations that have been helpful for me, particularly as Holiday describes them.

One principle I find myself returning to is this: the obstacle is the way.

This principle comes from quotes like the one from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations:

“The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

This is a difficult but liberating sentence: “What stands in the way becomes the way.”

Leaders, even Quaker leaders, like forward motion. We like getting things done (for the Lord/Light, of course!). This is a good quality. But sometimes, when we hit a roadblock, we are quickly frustrated and easily defeated. We blame God, satan, Quaker process, liberals/conservatives, politicians, bureaucracy, capitalism, patriarchy, PC culture, etc., etc.

And some of those may well be forces holding us back! I’m not saying we shouldn’t vent or name problems or commiserate. But what the Stoics challenge me to do is take a breath, look at the boulder on the path, and inquire: “what new way does this obstacle open up?”

Another good question is: “What does this make possible?”

Call this “adversarial growth” or “necessity is the mother of invention” or “the watercourse way” or “unanswered prayers” or “the resourcefulness of God.” Whatever you call it, it is a very liberating mindset shift.

Have you ever been on a vacation and found out one of your destinations was closed? Maybe it forced you to explore an interesting museum, meet a lovely local, or enjoy an amazing hole-in-the-wall restaurant.  

Have you ever invited someone to participate in a program or event and they turned you down? Maybe it forced you to look for someone else who turned out to be the perfect person.

Have you ever shared an idea that was met with resistance from your boss or constituency? Maybe it forced you to go back, prove or improve the concept, and try a different strategy that made the idea even better.

Remember, it was only after Fox lost all his “hope in men” that he was opened to the foundational revelation of our faith that there is One who can speak to our condition.

Of course, life doesn’t always work out that way. But sometimes it does. And maybe it could work out that way more often if we were willing to shift our mindset and open ourselves to surprising possibilities.

The alternative involves a lot of wasted time, energy, and opportunity. It also involves a lot of attention diverted from divine guidance, which may be seeking to show us unforeseen possibilities.

Holiday states it bluntly, in non-religious terms: “Focusing exclusively on what is in our power magnifies and enhances our power. But every ounce of energy directed at things we can’t actually influence is wasted, self-indulgent, and self-destructive.”

Perhaps Parker Palmer’s story is instructive. In his book Let Your Life Speak, Parker tells of a time when he was seeking life direction and was told by a Friend at Pendle Hill: “Have faith, and way will open.” But no matter how much he prayed or how hard he thought, he didn’t see any way opening. So he sought some additional council. He recounts:

After a few months of deepening frustration, I took my troubles to an older Quaker woman well-known for her thoughtfulness and candor. ‘Ruth,’ I said, ‘people keep telling me that “way will open.” Well, I sit in the silence, I pray, I listen for my calling, but way is not opening. I’ve been trying to find my vocation for a long time, and I still don’t have the foggiest idea of what I’m meant to do. Way may open for other people, but it’s sure not opening for me.’

Ruth’s reply was a model of Quaker plain-speaking: ‘I’m a birthright Friend,’ she said somberly, ‘and in sixty-plus year of living, way has never opened in front of me.’ She paused, and I started sinking into despair. Was this wise woman telling me that the Quaker concept of guidance was a hoax? Then she spoke again, this time with a grin: ‘But a lot of way has closed behind me, and that’s had the same guiding effect.’

I laughed with her, laughed loud and long, the kind of laughter that comes when a simple truth exposes your heart for the needlessly neurotic mess it has become. Ruth’s honesty gave me a new way to look at my vocational journey, and my experience has long-since confirmed the lesson she taught me that day: there is as much guidance in what does not and cannot happen in my life as there is in what can and does — maybe more.”

What about you and your ministry context?

What obstacle stands in your way right now?

Take some time to breathe, surrender, climb the balcony, and look at it again.

What can this make possible?

How does a “way closing” in your life & leadership lead to “way opening” in surprising places?